She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
