how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
