i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
