I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I need moral support for this bender
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
