I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
