I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
