You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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