Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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