so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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