So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
