don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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