I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Randomize
