so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So squirting runs in the family.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
