The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
