I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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