I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
