Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
