i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
