If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
