I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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