Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
