Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
