Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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