You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
