So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
im on a boat
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