I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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