He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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