remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
