...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
