You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
