so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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