my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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