quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
