Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
