so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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