Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
