Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
