Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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