You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
