Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
