you would pick up someone in the library
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
