i think my tv is drunk
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
