I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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