Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Bring me that man meat
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
