My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize