and you said cock pushups were impossible
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Semen is not good for contacts.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
