I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
