8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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