you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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