If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
