So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize