Where did you get a picture of my penis
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
