Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
