I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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