i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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