Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
