Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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