go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
