Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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