Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
