i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
