pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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