He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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