Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
