from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
