Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
