but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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