Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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