I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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