well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
