It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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