But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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